Funny Quotes from Sheldon Cooper

There are a number of funny quotes from The Big Bang Theory’s Sheldon Cooper.  His funny sayings, jokes, jabs, and thinly veiled insults keep audiences in stitches on a weekly basis.  Here are some of the best funny quotes from Sheldon.

To Penny: “It took you four years to get through high school?”

“If you use my toothbrush, I’ll jump out that window.  Please don’t come to my funeral.  Have a good night.”

To Leonard, arguing against the merits of making friends with Penny: “I have a very wide circle.  I have two hundred and twelve friends on myspace.”  Leonard then points out that Sheldon does not know any of them in person.  Sheldon claims that that is the best part.

“Break out the Red Bull.  It’s time to rock Mario old school.”Funny Quotes  In the same episode, Sheldon laments the reality that he cannot contol people in real life the way he is able to control Mario.  Incidentally, in this episode, he sits at home by himself playing Mario, because everyone else has dates.

To Howard and Leonard.  “For the record, it could kill us to meet new people.  They could be murderers or the carriers of unusual pathogens.  And I’m not insane, my mother had me tested.”

“I’m really too evolved for driving.”

To Penny: “New topic.  Where are you in your menstrual cycle?”

“There are no do-overs in Wii bowling.”

“Now, are we friends, colleagues, lovers? Are you my grandmother?”

“I would very much like to read about your sex life.”

To Leonard: “You forgot your flash drive. You forgot your flash drive. You forgot your flash drive.”

“No one calls me moon pie but Mamaw!”

Sheldon runs into the living room, dressed as the Flash, and says to Penny: “Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!  Where’s the coffee?”

Penny: “We’re out.”

Sheldon: “No problem.  I’ll be back before this banana hits the ground.”  He then zooms out of the apartment, leaving a slightly confused Penny on the couch.

While in Texas: “I will spend the rest of my life here in Texas trying to teach evolution to creationists.”

“Leonard, it astonishes me how you continually fixate on the trivial.  I lost a bet to Wolowitz.”

Funny Quotes“Why are you such a stupid head?”

“For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad.”

It is virtually impossible to narrow all of Sheldon’s funny quotes down to a short post.  Everyone’s favorite theoretical physicist is always a breath of moderately insulting fresh air.  Get ready for the debut of Season 5 of The Big Bang Theory, airing in September.

Sheldon Cooper will undoubtedly entertain us with even more original and funny quotes during the fifth season of the show.